a fresh start.

so i'm new to this.

my friend drew told me about this site, and to be honest i think this is a good thing for me to have. i have a xanga.. but for completely different reasons. the thing is, i need someone to talk to without feeling judged. i need a place where i can talk and talk and talk and although not get anything back, still feel like someone is listening. is that weird? i don't know.

the only person i want to know about this site is drew.. because well.. he told me about it. i want to be able to say everything on my mind and not feel like im leaving myself vulnerable for other people with their comments and misconceptions.

well i'm an 18 year old freshman at a school i can't say i love. i am on again off again bulemic. a girl who still after 2 years can listen to a sad song and automatically think of an certain exboyfriend no matter how much she tells herself she's completely over him. i'm happy but i still feel like i'm searching for something. there is one person i can trust to tell absolutely everything and that is my best friend leigha. it takes a lot for me to completely let you in. and as confident as i may seem and as much as i know i deserve the best.. whenever a person shows me affection i immediately think there is an alterior motive. and if someone looks at me weird or doesn't feel the same way i may feel about them.. i blame my weight.

on the happy side, i have the most amazing family i could ever ask for. my mother is my best friend in the entire world and i make sure i talk to her atleast once a day. if anything happens that could be the least significant thing ever, i make sure she is the first person to know. i have a few great friends and most of them are at home. but i figure being a second semester freshman in college, its normal to not be sure of who your real friends are at a place that is still completely foreign to you. God is number one. My religion is something i hold so close to me and i could never imagine my life without my faith. God and Jesus Christ has gotten me through so many things in my life. He gives me the hope that everything will be okay. Notice how the second i start talking about Him, i start typing in capitals (i just noticed that.) That's how serious He is to me. music is my absolute life. if there aren't headphones in my ears or music playing on my laptop or stereo, i'm probably singing a song in my head. i told myself i rather be blind than deaf because if i couldn't hear music i don't think life would be worth living. new york city is my second home and will one day be my home. i think it is the most amazing place ever and whenever i'm there just walking to streets, i know i'm meant to be there.

if you haven't guessed, i love writing or just talking to people. because of this, i'm studying journalism/mass communications at my school. i want to work in the city either for nylon, a fashion and music magazine, or for another magazine called alternative press. or working for PR at a fashion agency. or heck, maybe lose 30 pounds and audition for americas next top model. ive been told enough that i'd be the perfect candidate. i have my life planned out. i'm going to either get an apartment in the city or hoboken and work for a magazine in the city. then when i have children, go back to school, get an education degree, and become a teacher.

i just read that over, and i sound like the most depressing little slit my wrists, brink of suicide weirdo. i AM happy. people have it so much worse than me, believe me. whenever you see me, i'll probably have a smile on my face. i'm a person that people go to for advice and i love giving it. my friends at home call me doctor phil. and not to toot my own horn, but i'm pretty good at it. i love dancing. i'm ridiculous with it. i'm one of those people that randomly start dancing when a good song comes on. i love laughing and apparently whenever i do it makes other people laugh. apparently my laugh is contagious.

anyway, i've said enough of an introduction of myself and if whoever is actually reading this read all that God bless you. i hope i keep up with this. but i'm sure drew will make sure of it. but i guess i'll get to the normal posts in the future. but yeaah. thanks :]